Introduction to Quantum Electrodynamics
- Hi, this is San Diego ZOO, is this Mr. Tucan?
- No, this is Mrs. Tucan, what do you want?
- Well, we have a slight problem here that you might help us with...
- I am listening...
- Well, we were wondering if we could keep an elephant in your garden.
- It would be just for a few weeks, madam.
- Excuse me?!!
- Don't worry, it is a very friendly elephant, it's name is Franta.
- I don't understand...
- It just needs two carloads of hey per day, madam, it won't be a problem.
- Is this some kind of a joke?
- No, madam, this is an emergency. We need to put him somewhere.
- But why us.
- Well, we have selected you randomly...
- But what if it bites me.
- Oh, don't worry, madam, elephants are not poisonous.
- How do you know?
- They don't have any venom, trust me. So could we...
- Wait, wait, wait,... I don't need this. Call someone else.
- Don't hang up, madam, please. We have to have Franta placed by tomorrow.
- So? That's your problem. Besides, our daughter is elephant-allergic.
- Oh, that's ok. This one doesn't smell. It takes shower every day.
Incidentally, how big is your bathroom?
- Are you trying to insinuate that I am going to be sharing my bathroom
with an elephant?
- Just for a few weeks, madam. That's almost like nothing. And it can scrub
your back too, if you want...
- No way...and please, call someone else!
- It can also water your garden. It's got a great trunk.
- No thanks, we grow only a few desert plants.
- Oh! You have a desert in your garden? You didn't tell me that.
Franta loves deserts. It's an african elephant.
- In that case I am sorry, I kind of prefer Indian ones.
- Oh do you! I can't believe this! That's perfect. Actually, I didn't
tell you the whole story. We've got one African elephant to place and two
Indian ones. So you can either make a choice, or if you REALLY like them
you can have them both. It's a special offer.
- Two elephants? You must be crazy!
- Believe me, madam, two elephants are much better than one. They will
just play together on your lawn and you won't even notice them.
- Of course, I WILL notice them.
- No, you won't, at least not if you use the back door.
- Sir! This is my house and I am going to enter it whichever way I please!
- Oh, that's for sure, no doubt about that. But wouldn't you like a bigger
door? For instance, for those times when you come home with huge shopping bags.
- What the door has to do with our problem.
- I just thought that if you wanted a bigger door, you would just let
the elephants come in and take a shower and the door would just kind of
adjust itself. And, perhaps, you'd need a bigger bathroom too, wouldn't you?
- What for?!
- Well, for instance, you might want to check your make-up while still
holding those bags with food.
- Sir, we don't eat that much. I always have just one little plastic bag.
- But with two elephants you never know...
- Are trying to say that we'd have to feed them too!
- Oh, madam, you wouldn't let those noble animals die from hunger,
- I don't care about your noble bastards. I am hanging up.
- But madam, think about all that great cheese?
- What cheese?
- Elephant cheese, of course?
- No, no, no,...wait...are we in some kind of absurd play?
- Ehhhm...I don't know...kind of begins to sound like it, doesn't it?
(Hey, isn't telemarketing just great?)
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