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Banbury Cross

a pillow for lost thoughts...

Post details: I can't believe it's not Gucci

I can't believe it's not Gucci

Oops, those trees did it again. Same trick, different year. One night they go to sleep bare, sullen and leafless and the next morning they wake up all covered with a rash of bursting buds and even a few precocious green leaflets slurping up whatever the recuperating Sun has to offer. What an impressive mechanism Nature devised there. Every October and November trees shed their aging, dirty, brittle and yellowish foliage to have it completely replaced by a new, crisp and fresh collection some 6 months later. All perfectly timed and executed with the precision of Madonna's stage manager.

As I was watching this botanical spectacle unfold, it occurred to me that it would be tres cool if we could do the same with our accouterments. At night, before our bedtime we'd shed our old naturally biodegradable clothes and let them turn into mulch under our beds (whereto they'd be discreetly kicked) and in the morning, just before our alarm went off, we'd be sprouting new garments all over the body. Layer after layer, our skin would fabricate new items for our wardrobe, the outer epidermis morphing into shirts and pants, while the inner layers would supply underwear, skivvies, loin clothes, G-strings, H-strings, stockings, corsets, bikinis, long johns and whatever else we choose to fight the elements, predators and boredom with.

Oodles of time - normally wasted on changing clothes, tying laces, or zipping up evening dresses - would suddenly be released and available for spending on noble causes, such as braiding cooked spaghetti or ceremonial hanger hanging. What a wonderful world that would be. No worries about what colors to put on. Ever. And who knows, after a few million years of gradual progress, maybe we'd evolve enough to grow a pair of designer socks every night.

mclean

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