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Post details: Say It Ain't So

Say It Ain't So

(Limping Duck Press Agency)

Our world is full of injustices.

According to the New York Magazine, the Wall Street bankers and traders are worried about the size of their bonuses this year. While the overall amounts of multi-million dollar packages are up 8% for a grand total of $20 billion in 2012, many insiders are complaining that the pace of this recovery is not fast enough. Apparently, memories of go-go days fade much slower than the associated needs and the lingering image of past excesses is a painful thorn in the side of new reality.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think this is where we should draw a line. This is not some guy next door we are talking about. This is our beloved bankers who are lying in bed long into the night with their bleary eyes wide open. Are we to leave it like that?

These are the knights who escort our money to the perilous jungle of world's stock exchanges and then write all those wonderfully eloquent reports of why the money perished there. These are the marketing daredevils who put on a hard hat every day and go about selling opaque financial derivatives to all those in dire need of opaque financial derivatives. These are the powerful Maestros who create money out of thin air and then lend it to us at interest. These are the recipients of billions and billions of interest free money from the central bank, some of which - and hold your breath now - may find its way into our own accounts. These are the creators of numerous asset bubbles that give us that extra dizzy roller-coaster feeling just by reading the Financial Times.

We cannot let them suffer a measly 8% raise. That is inhuman. Sure, the late housing bubble did nearly annihilate our economy, and yes they made tons of money on the way up, but the reluctance with which they accepted our bailout was moving. To all those who argue that their greed holds our pensions, our savings and our jobs hostage I say: let's not forget that they are also the ones who give us free peanuts while our pensions, our savings and our jobs lie prostrate on the floor. So ladies and gentlemen, the time for action is now.

I propose that we exert pressure on our elected representative and ask for a law that would guarantee a minimum bonus, so that no wallstreeter has to be concerned about buying only one mansion ever again. In addition to this, we should offer art auction discount coupons and government issued yacht stamps to all those that might need them. Subsidized public transportation to Cayman Islands, preferably using a fleet of Dassault Falcon 7X jets, is a given. Last but not least, I propose we establish an independent chain of Salvation Armani stores, where our top financiers could buy affordable expensive watches, business suits and assorted leather briefcases.

Then they can rise from their designer ashes and do what they do best. Playing in a rigged casino during the day, and ordering Chateau Margaux and stomach boggling quantities of purebred lobster at night. And we all will get that sweet rewarding feeling of financially backstopping their heroic service to humanity.


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