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Post details: Behold the Future

Behold the Future

Spammers are a resourceful bunch. They figured that most email applications display the most recent (read the ones with the "highest" date) arrivals first and in their effort to beat hundreds of other spammers, they started postmarking their e-mails by higher and higher years. When I opened my Junk folder today, I was surprised to find few specimen coming from as far as 2038. Since the opportunity to peek into the future is rare, I would like to share a few of these emails in the hope of shedding some light into the direction in which the western civilizations might be going in the next few decades.

Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2038 17:59:59 -0800
From: "Hookup Tonight"
Subject: SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: Get Some Tonight...

I guess the oldest profession will never die. But on the other hand, it is encouraging that carnal matters will still be attended to in the old fashioned way in 2038, rather than having them delegated to a sequence of virtual reality skits unfolding in some superfast mainframe. "Hal, what are you doing?"

Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2038 19:03:35 -0800
From: "Bill Consolidation Specialists"
Subject: Extra cash before your next paycheck

What? A paycheck? I thought we'd just have a magnetic strip in the back of our head recharged by our employer's taser gun.

Date: Mon, 11 Jan 2038 14:32:06 -0500
Subject: Learn to make money using google
From: "Google Business"

Note to myself: Buy some Google shares (sell around 2038)

Date: Tue, 15 Sep 2037 08:15:32 -0800
Subject: Im bored, can you help me?
From: "Lisa"

No way! Lisa is bored in 2038? With all the trips to the Moon and back, with all the hunky pleasuring androids parading in front of her, with the plethora of 3D smell enabled movies? "Pirates of the Caribbean 37" anyone?

Date: Sat, 12 Sep 2037 13:13:52 -0800
Subject: NEW Kind of Oreos : Cakesters - the Soft Snack Cakes!
From: "Oreo Cookie Samples"

Oreo cookies may outlive the civilization as we know it. Once in the future, aliens will wonder what kind of people left the OREO cookie jar behind.

Date: Thu, 27 Aug 2037 20:03:46 -0800
Subject: $1000 Busch Gardens Gift Card!
From: "EliteGiftGroup"

Gosh - what an opportunity! The way the inflation is going, I'd say $1000 might buy the whole lollipop in 2037.

Date: Sun, 23 Aug 2037 16:58:46 -0800
Subject: Come join our web cam
From: "Cam Girls!"

Luring guys with a web cam? What is this? A den of naughty historians?

Date: Fri, 21 Aug 2037 08:26:27 00100
Subject: Money is available
From: "Grant Funding"

That is comforting for the global financial systems. I wish I could forward this message to the Bear Sterns Hedge Funds.

Date: Tue, 21 Apr 2037 16:41:57 -0500
Subject: 10k Scholarship Deadline is August 15 - Apply Now
From: "10K Scholarship Giveaway"

Man - there used to be a time you could apply for a scholarship like a year ahead. Now you have to apply NOW for a scholarship that will take place in 30 years? What are they going to do with it then. Try to decipher it by a team of scholarly egyptologist?

Date: Wed, 6 Mar 2030 22:13:17 -0800
Subject: Speak Your Mind
From: "NPD - Speak Your Mind Survey"

What? People of the future will speak their minds? Scary! And I thought that the Golden Age of Political Correctness would last forever.


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